Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When did angry sex become our thing?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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