words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
