Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
