life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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