Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize