woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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