i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
false alarm. still invincible.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize