I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
