Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
