I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
