You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
