Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
