her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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