Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
