we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize