did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
