Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
