oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
