I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i think i have two assholes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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