If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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