You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
