yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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