if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
