i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
