I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
