you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
