Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
