i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
