I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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