Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want to be your penis for a week.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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