i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
