It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
