In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
