We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
