I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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