I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
