I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
