:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize