Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
