just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
