Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

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(360): View more from Washington

my secret santa just gave me a pregency test

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(386): View more from Florida

The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

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(310): View more from California

The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.

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(630): View more from Illinois

This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

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(740): View more from Ohio

There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.

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(281): View more from Texas

I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.

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