they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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