I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
