he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
