i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize