I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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