Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
