I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
