I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
