I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
