Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
