Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
