I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
