So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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