I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
