I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
