Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
