Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
