Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
