i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
