weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
