this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
