I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
