she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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