how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
