Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
