alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude. I can hear the air.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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