Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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