I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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