Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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