Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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