I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
