I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
