Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm having to shit out rocks
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