yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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