This is not my ceiling
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
