i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
