it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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