Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
