Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't put those talents on a resume
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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