She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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