This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
