i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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