Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
