hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
