Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
