it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
