Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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