im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
