Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
