My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
