After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
