Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize