You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
