Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
