My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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