it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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