Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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