Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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