it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize