I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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