What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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