Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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