How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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