He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
