I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
