Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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