Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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