i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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