hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
