I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
