I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
