you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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