I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
