oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize